The Many Faces of Domestic Violence

by Richard L. Davis

After centuries of not addressing the abusive behavior in families or those in familial or intimate partner styled relationships, towards the end of the 20th century there was progress. However, there continue to be numerous myths, misconceptions, and outright denial that fragment and divide proper understanding of the issue. The enigma that is domestic violence remains unresolved and many deliberations continue to be contentious rather than conciliatory.

In early 1960, Dr. C. H. Kempe coined the term battered child syndrome." Society, after many failed attempts, began to accept that the majority of child abuse was not committed by strangers nor was it a problem only for "those at the lower end of the socioeconomic educational strata." Many guilt of abusing children were their parents or other caretakers in the home. It is universally agreed and unbiased data will document that, concerning child abuse, males and females perpetrate equal levels of nonsexual abuse. This generally accepted accord has allowed for a consensus that has helped facilitate progress.

Domestic violence advocates who work with battered women claim that 95 percent of the victims are women. Data from the National Institute of Justice document that 85 percent of the victims who report domestic violence incidents are women. The National Violence against Women Survey reports that approximately two thirds of victims are women and one third are men. National studies from the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire detail that physical abuse rates are approximately equal between husbands and wives.

Harvey Wallace in his book, Family Violence: Legal, Medical, and Social Perspectives, writes on page 3, "How does one accurately study or research a phenomenon if a definition cannot be agreed on because the definition of any act both sets limits and focuses research with certain boundaries." The above differences are not facts, rather they are reflections of the fact that the majority of researchers, professionals, and advocates do not acknowledge a universal definition of domestic violence.

Regardless of an agreed upon definition, domestic violence by statute law in all fifty states is child, sibling, spousal, intimate partner, and elder abuse. It is not singularly and specifically violence against women nor is it only and exclusively "battering" behavior between adult heterosexual males and females.

It may be in the best interest of all advocates and victims to agree that domestic violence is not always "battering." Domestic violence can be more subjective than objective. With compromise the above distinctions can become more complementary than they are contradictory.

The majority of researchers and professionals agree that multifaceted causes can require different and distinct interventions. Research into the cause and consequences of domestic violence should not and cannot be limited by any " single ideological theory" or any "one size fits all" intervention. Concluding outcomes before research is complete limits focus and establishes a bias against evidence to the contrary. Age specific and/or single gender research and ignores or minimizes the vast array of many exploratory and explanatory variables.

Most researchers and professionals agree there are three principal models that attempt to explain the reason why many who profess to love and care for each other often choose to neglect, abuse and batter their spouse, partner, or child.

The Feminist or Cognitive-Behavioral model

This approach explains that domestic violence mirrors the patriarchal organization of society and it is men alone who use violence to maintain their traditional dominate role in the family. The behavior of the male abuser is a result of sexism and culturally learned mores and norms.

The Family Conflict model


The abuse is the result of family stresses or the acceptance of conflict to resolve disputes both in the family and the neighborhood. Abusers strive for an important or predominant role in the family. In this view any family member may contribute to the escalation of violence.

The Psychotherapeutic model

This model proffers that personality disorders, early traumatic life experiences, or other individual dysfunctions predispose some people to use violence in family relationships.

The majority of public policy and contemporary criminal justice intervention is predicated upon the feminist model that carries with it the assumption that "domestic violence" is "battering" and "battering" is not distinct from other "familial styled violence." Many researchers, funded by the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), examine criminal justice data only for crimes against women. This causes them to conclude that women are being abused and not receiving fair and just treatment from the criminal justice system. And they are right.

However, this myopic styled research has caused public policy makers to establish interventions based on biased single gender specific evidence. An unbiased review of all victims in the criminal justice system reveals that many, regardless of age or gender, are victimized twice, first by the assailant and then by the "system." Impediments to progress have been created because many public policy makers view domestic violence as a problem only for heterosexual women and they conclude violence against women is distinct and different from many other forms of familial styled violence.

There continues heated disagreement between many domestic violence advocates who present disparate data with radically different numbers. This has caused an endless and specious argument between many women's and men's rights groups concerning domestic violence that:

(a) It occurs because of sexism and the power and control men have over women.

(b) Both men and women are equally violent. Each is a red herring that only serves to impede proper progress concerning assistance for all victims and prevents a clearer understanding of the cause of this aberrant behavior.

Advocates for all victims of domestic violence deserve to have their voices heard. The inclusion of all victims and not the exclusion of some act will act as a catalyst for more concern, compassion and support for all victims. Rather than "one size fits all" interventions, attention should focus on repeat offenders and assistance provided first to victims who are marginalized by their socioeconomic and educational status and/or their lack of resources and support.

Batterers and Their Victims

Most researchers and professionals agree that a "battered victim" is a victim whose life is thoroughly, extensively, and completely controlled by an abuser. The victim's behavior is purposely altered to satisfy the abusers desires while they live in a familial or intimate partner styled relationship. The batterer manipulatively uses psychological methods, physical violence, economic subordination, threats, isolation, and a variety of other behavioral and controlling tactics to ensure the victim does what the abuser wants.

It is important to understand that most victims do not rationally choose to stay in these relationships. Many remain because they were raised in a violent home and/or neighborhood, thus the violence they face is not viewed as aberrant or abnormal. Many do not realize or understand they can leave. Many lack the education or economic resources to survive on their own. Many have little to no community support. Some will be ridiculed by their own family for leaving. Many believe that leaving will publicly document the shame they privately feel. Many mistakenly view the failure of the relationship as their failure. Many are concerned that the physical and emotional harm their children suffer may increase if they attempt to leave. And many, rightly so, fear greater physical abuse or death.

Unconditional love can keep some victims in relationships far too long. Some confuse sexually acts with acts of love and jealously and possessiveness with romantic behavior. Many who are used and abused believe that their abuser needs their help. Many learn that their abuser has been physically or sexually abused as a child. Other victims remember that their family was loving and caring and they believe they must make their chosen relationships succeed. Some victims believe that their abuser is the person suffering and their abuser wants to, can and will change. Many being abused believe that if they can demonstrate to their abuser what unconditional love is, their abuser will stop the abuse. Many victims believe that their abuser, given unconditional love, will return that love.

Familial Styled Conflict Abuse

It is a fact that many people who are married or who live in a familial or intimate partner styled relationship will occasionally struggle with individual or family problems. A lack of education and economic resources often create or exacerbate conflict. There are many types of psychological and physical tactics employed by family members or intimate partners, regardless of age or gender, who attempt to "get their way" in a specific or general disagreement. Too often in contemporary society, many accept this type of behavior as "normal."

The National Institute of Justice report the Full Report of the Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women, documents that most familial or intimate partner assaults are relatively minor and that "violence is more widespread and injurious to women's and men's health than previously thought." Family conflict does not always involve violent assaults or is it always the result of a specific, long term, carefully crafted, well thought out pattern of controlling behavior. Data documents many forms of family conflict can be mutual behavior, regardless of age or gender.

The majority of Americans still believe that it is appropriate for men and women, people who control the resources in the family, to hit children to change or alter their behavior. Other legal and socially accepted acts of abuse are hitting children with belts or other objects, corporal punishment in schools, and the subtle condoning of sibling violence as only the acts of children. Any act of violence against women is now viewed as inappropriate, however, abusive acts against men continue to be portrayed by the media with little to no vocal criticism.

Family conflict can evolve from or be exacerbated by anger, anxiety, grief, abusive alcohol or drug use, stress, work issues, difficult medical decisions, and depression. Abusers are often people who are self-centered, lack self-control, and tend to seek self-gratification with little concern for the feelings of others. Abusive behavior is often not limited to threatening, pushing, shoving, grabbing, slapping, and throwing things. Verbal abuse can hurt just as much as physical assault. Verbal abuse can escalate to more violent assaults. Family conflict is not always frequent and does not specifically and always escalate to more serious and injurious physical assaults. This behavior is often not viewed as criminal behavior by abusers or victims. This behavior does not always involve a battered women and a male batterer. This family styled conflict is often the face of domestic violence presented to the criminal justice system.

An Objective View

It is indisputable that both males and females do initiate domestic violence, however, most professionals and researchers agree that males commit more injurious and sexual abuse, use greater force, and are often more jealous and demanding of their partners. Because of this, female victims are more likely to take all acts of family conflict more seriously than males. The majority of perpetrators, regardless of gender have been victims of domestic violence.

Studies note that more women than men suffer emotionally and economically. However, all data documents that women are not the only and exclusive victims nor are men the only and exclusive perpetrators. Intervention must be positive and inclusive, not negative and exclusive. Everyone, regardless of percentage of victimization deserves our sympathy, compassion, and support.

To advocate for only some victims and ignore or minimize the needs of others returns us where we were many years ago. Ironically, to proclaim the rights of one gender are more important than anotherban advocate to become the same person they rail against.

http://www.safe4all.org/essays/many_faces.html